I had my little public coming out party, talking about relational rigor with Eliot and Daniel from Psychotechnologies Live!

Thinking about this concept of relational rigor has been very alive for me in the past year and I enjoyed discovering what I had to say about it.

There’s some magic in being asked good questions in a safe atmosphere and this experience helped me draw more of a map of this concept.

Here are some things we talked about with timestamps:

1:00 what is relational rigor?
4:00 applying the intellectual rigor from the rational and effective altruism community to relational experiences
6:00 trying relational rigor live
12:00 what are your relational frames?
14:30 it’s about sharing expectations that we have of one another
17:00 relational rigor is about building trust – I just have this constant feeling of a missed connection
22:00 I really want people to take more relational risks
24:00 there’s a sense that we aren’t connecting and we want to repair that break
28:00 an internal noticing
30:30 what if the stuff I’m feeling isn’t mine?
35:00 this is very similar to meditative practices, choosing whether or not to pursue a sensation
38:00 how do we set up self, other and environment for success
45:00 what are the qualities of good friends?
48:00 accidental relating moments
52:00 now maybe I can be curious about the possibilities with the other person here
55:00 how much is relational rigor to do with us and how we are in the moment
59:00 relational freedom
1:03:00 demonstrative relating shows other people how to be
1:08:00 sitting with extended silences as a practice
1:10:30 silence is used in music all the time
1:12:00 how to take relational rigor to the road
1:16:00 the hard thing has to keep being hard (instead of becoming easy with practice)
1:19:00 what is the shape of the relational landscape
1:21:00 relational sub-roles
1:22:30 what do I actually want?
1:23:00 who is relational rigor good for?
1:26:00 tools to help us stay in the Game A world from a Game B place
1:30:00 people playing the game in between need a separate space to help them process it